traveling blues

So I had a little meltdown and my nephew's birthday party today. I was talking to my younger sister about Steve's traveling for work. It's looking like a long trip to India is in his very near future. And I just started crying. I'm just really hating this travel stuff. I found myself feeling quite sorry for poor little me. I came home angry and resentful.

Now we've agreed together as a family that traveling was acceptable for now. I felt very strongly from God Himself back in May that this was something I needed to allow Steve to do. And it's done wonders for our relationship. Not the traveling itself, but the fact that I gave Steve some freedom and am allowing him to make decisions for his career without interference. He's feeling a lot of support from me. And I'm glad. It's not really him being gone that's so terrible. It's the week he's home in between traveling that are the hardest for me. I find myself angry with him for the first few days. That only gives us another few days before he leaves again.

So I find myself in typical female-fashion: Not being able to make up my mind. Do I want him to travel or do I want him to stay home? Yes. That's my answer; yes.

So I'm heading back to the counselor this week to hash this out yet again. And I will be down on my knees a bit more in the next week praying for God to give me what I've been expecting Steve to do. You know, that's really the problem more than anything. I expect things of Steve that he just can't deliver. God directed this path for us for the time being. He is more than capable or handling my emotions during this time. The Bible says He will never leave nor forsake me. I know that's true now as well as when Steve is working in the comforts of our own home.

So that's it for now. Yes, I've been singing the traveling blues. I know the sorrow may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning! Here's to the morning: