I wish you knew

I was both blessed and cursed to be baby Anthony's sitter tonight. It was the first time I've seen him since we decided not to adopt him. I still have a mother's heart. I still love him and want him. But I want what is best for him, and that wouldn't be in a house divided. So I wrote a little poem therapy:




I wish you knew how great he is
and you loved him the way I do.
I wish you knew how special he is
and you needed him the way I do.
I wish you knew how precious he is
and you cared for him the way I do.

I wish you desired to love him.
I wish you longed for him to be in your arms.
I wish you cried yourself to sleep at night
thinking about how precious little time you have left with him.

I wish your heart broke every time you saw him
but that it was easier than the pain the felt when you were away.
And then you would know.
You would have a small glimpse into my heart.
And you would vow to move mountains and storm the enemy
just for the chance of spending the next few years with him.
You would count the cost and find it worth it.
You wouldn't be able to weigh the good and the bad
because your heart would take control and there would be no stopping you.
You would be his Daddy.
And I would be his Mommy.

Oh how I wish you knew