God's gift to me last night

We went to church last night. It was the first Wednesday in a long time since Steven has had football practice and we've not been able to attend for a while. It was great. Pastor Randy had a lesson about trusting God and not getting overwhelmed with our current financial state the country is in. When he was finished speaking, he had us all close our eyes and he prayed. While he was praying; the Lord spoke directly to me.

He showed me a picture of me holding Anthony when he was newborn and turning him over to his new parents. It was just gut wrenching and felt more like Hell than anything I've ever imagined. But He told me that was wrong. And then He showed me a picture of me holding Anthony when he was a newborn and turning him over to God. What a contrast! All the pain, and anxiety was erased. There was no more concern about if he was taken care of. I don't have to trust in those parents. I have to trust in God who knows what is best for us and for Anthony. And who hand picked Anthony's parents for him. He couldn't be in better hands.

I still miss him. I still long for him to be in my arms and be toddling around my home. But I don't think I'll worry about him anymore. And that's a wonderful gift. Certainly more than I was expecting. And more than I deserve.