My heart has been in a tug of war the past few days. You see, there are two conflicting loves fighting for their place. The first is mission work in India. I so want my home to sell so that we can get there and I can do that on a more full time basis. I want to work under the missionary Pastor John George. I want to learn and grow. I want myself and my children to learn how it feels to help those truly in need. I want to see souls won for Christ.
But then there's another part of me that wants to stay here. Not just for the sake of staying, but for baby Anthony. He's a foster baby and will be up for adoption soon. And I'd give anything for him to be ours. He's so beautiful and smart and sweet. And I just know that he'd make a wonderful addition to our family. I find myself more and more in love with him every day. I want to give him a permanent home. I want to stay in the comfort of my church home. I want to work for the missions pastor there. I want to see souls won for Christ.
So I'm torn. I pray everyday for God to reveal His will. His way. His plan. And I wait. And whatever it is, I will mourn. I will rejoice and I will mourn. I will rejoice over the new change in our lives and what that means for the Kingdom of God. And I will mourn over my loss. My hurt. My plan not coming to fruition.
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2 comments:
The baby is beautiful!!! Keep praying, honey. You know He always answers, just sometimes not in the way or ways that we expect.
thank you friend. I will pray and you'll be one of the first to know!
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